Small talk or the art of having a light, friendly and casual conversation with possibly a complete stranger, or an acquaintance is a perfectly acceptable skill to develop while you prepare for moving to Canada. It so happens that it’s pretty useful and we’ll delve into that in a bit.
I was barely two months old in Canada and on a cold winter morning, I was waiting at the bus stop when a burly six feet 110 kilo guy came over and asked me if I was going to school and which school it was and what time did I leave in the morning every day. Totally creepy and very suspicious, I thought to myself. But it turned out that he came around the same time and had seen me waiting in the morning every day and was just trying to be polite. After a couple of days it became pretty normal for us to exchange greetings and enquire about each other’s health.
Variants of small talk
You will often encounter people exchanging greetings, discussing weather predictions, and chatting about the latest news and so on. This may usually take place in a store, in your workplace or even in a washroom. So don’t be surprised, if someone comes over and says something like “It’s terribly windy outside, don’t blow away!” or “the Raptors missed it last evening again..eh!”.
Conversation starters help break the ice in formal office settings, especially when you are new. It shows a willingness to engage with other team members and nearly all workplaces value some sort of socializing in the workplace. It has been proven that building informal relationships directly increases productivity in the workplace. Some employers will even encourage employees to engage in social activities outside the office.
Other than workplaces, it is also acceptable to engage in light conversation with your customers or people standing in a line-up or in an elevator. Canadians find awkward silences…well awkward! To keep the mood light and cheery, most engage in small talk. It is undoubtedly a great way to start networking and communicating with someone you don’t know and start building relationships.
Safe topics
Small talk is informal but not mindless, so exercise caution while initiating conversation with anyone. People generally do not prefer to talk about their personal lives, unless you know them well. There are certain topics that are safe to discuss and you can keep them up your sleeve and some others that you must steer clear of.
Weather is one of the most common and the easiest to jump into since everyone has something or the other to say about it. “Beautiful sunshine today, isn’t it?” or “It’s going to feel like the Arctic this week”. Hobbies or areas of interest is another great way to get to know someone. “Oh, how lovely, you play the guitar” or “You’ve got a great eye for photography. Did you learn professionally?” Asking about how your weekend was and what they did or wishing them a great weekend at the end of the week is very much acceptable. The environment is another great one. You can make comments on the ambience “The pastels are easy on the eyes, don’t you think?”, or service “I wonder what is taking them so long?” or anything interesting going on around you, “That guy looks like he had a rough night!”. Food or cooking, sports and travel are some other safe topics.
Talking about work is a tricky one. It may lead to something uninteresting and if both people don’t have any common grounds to discuss, there may not be enough leads to keep the conversation going. On the other hand, it may be pretty easy to talk about since most people will have something to say about it. Complimenting someone on their dress or the way they look is usually acceptable too but be careful lest it seems like harassment.
Certain topics relating to religion, politics, sex, sexual orientation, personal life, family matters or financial status are best left alone. These are not things you’d want to get into since many have strong beliefs and values that may be contrary to yours. These are never light conversations and have a tendency to make others uncomfortable around you which is the last thing you’d want. Even if something about politics is hot in the news, stay away from discussing these if you are in a group of people you hardly know. If you are expected to speak such as at a formal work lunch, then make neutral statements and avoid imposing your opinions on anyone else.
How to “small talk” for dummies
Initially, I was very shy and nervous around strangers. I’d rather scroll through my phone or have lunch alone than engage in a conversation with a person I hardly know. But no matter what you do, you can never avoid socializing altogether. So I learnt certain tricks that helped me navigate the dreaded small talk.
- Be genuinely interested: When you ask a question, don’t just ask but be really interested in the answer. If you start a Monday morning by asking your co-worker how their weekend was, let them tell you about their day trip or the family brunch they had on Sunday. A polite acknowledgement such as nodding or a simple “uh huh” goes a long way in confirming that you are interested in the speaker.
- Listening actively: It is important to make the speaker feel that they are being heard so give them your full attention. Don’t get distracted by the environment or by preparing the response in your head even before the speaker stops talking. Listening actively also provides you with more opportunities to ask leading questions and remember details to bring up later.
- Make mental notes: If someone tells you they live about 50 km outside the city in a suburb or a smaller town, make a mental note to ask about their commute to work the next morning. If someone mentions they are going away to a cottage over the weekend to celebrate their birthday, wish them Happy Birthday on the Friday before they leave and remember to ask how it went on Monday. Remembering such things will give you more pointers to initiate conversation.
- Phrase your questions appropriately: When you ask someone how was your weekend, the most obvious response would be “yeah, it was great”. You can now either ask follow up questions like “nice, what did you do?” if you’d like to continue, or close with a “great, see you later” lest it sounds intrusive.
- Don’t be shy: Easier said than done but in my experience most people are friendly and polite. They will engage in a short conversation or help you out if you are a newbie. So shed your reservations and go ahead and get talking.
Gossiping isn’t small talk
Gossipping isn’t the same as small talk. Gossipping, complaining or repeated negative comments is considered unprofessional and may lead to unhealthy, unproductive working relationships. Be wary of engaging in discourses that spread negativity and aren’t fact based. This may include bashing your manager behind their back, discussing about the company’s strategy with strangers without having the complete picture, making rude and discriminatory remarks about someone and so on. Instead try to be warm, welcoming and respectful. It will surely help you to build a lasting positive impression as well as gain respect of your colleagues.
Coming to a close
Be perceptive and notice if the conversation is dragging on. Don’t be pushy or sticky. If you see the other person losing interest and trying to avoid further conversation, move on and get going. Take hints and politely close the conversation by saying something like “It was great speaking with you. See you later” or “I am heading out to grab some lunch. It was great catching up with you.”
Small talk may not be as easy as it looks for many. When you get into it, there are a lot of considerations but you can still become a pro. Go with a positive mindset and be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone else or know more than you do. People can see through if you are not presenting your authentic self. Having said that, a little practice never hurt anyone and the more you do it, the more natural it’ll seem. Always remember that such conversations are a great way to know about the people and the culture and will help you fit in with ease. You never know who you are going to meet and how they may become a valuable connection later.